so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
