why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
