He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
