Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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