you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
