I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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