so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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