just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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