guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
