I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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