you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
