I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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