we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Will exercising make me less horny?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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