Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
