I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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