Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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