..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
