I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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