I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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