What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
