If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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