Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
