Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
