Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
