Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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