why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
