listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
