hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
