That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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