I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
