I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
