I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
