I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
