Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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