i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
