textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
