oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Two words: nipple clamps
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