break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
