My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
