Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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