There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
