This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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