my phone needs a breathalizer
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
