and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
