I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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