Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
