I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
where am i from again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
vagina is talking i cant
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
