It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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