Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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