Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Someone signed my nipple.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
