Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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