Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
