I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
