Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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