I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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