I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
