Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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