Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
