He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
