so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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