We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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