It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
