The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize