He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
