i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
