plz talk dirty to me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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