I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
